This blog post is an accident. I was not intending on writing a blog post about another unpublished blog post but I guess there’s more to a story of being an indecisive blogger about one’s own blog entries. I sat on my chair with my laptop in front of me and with frequent glares at a new notepad on my right that my sister bought me in America. It was too pretty for me to use. What made me restless and go against my will of not wanting to use the notepad unless it was really necessary was the little typography on the top that read “Bright Ideas”. However, I couldn’t do it. The notepad deserved some serious and beautiful handwriting scribbled on its body. For a seventeen-year-old who is delirious 60% of the time, I decided to write what was important to me. I starting writing recklessly about my favourite band. The band, I think should remain nameless because that’s not the point of this entry. The point is me being capricious about my blog. I do not feel the same as I did five months ago about my blog. To me, a blog is a splendid place for me to use my creativity. It’s my sanctuary, as I’ve mentioned a couple times already before and when I see myself ten years later, I see myself still scrolling down my blog and checking viewer counts almost every week. However, as much as I love reading zines and online websites for teenage girls to get some inspiration, I still feel anxious about my blog posts. I feel like I am not enough. I don’t have many followers and I don’t see my blog getting any popular. But I have come to a reconciliation that I will continue being nerdy about things alongside my blog because that is who I am. Of course, those times come when you suddenly have a revelation and that gut feeling that you’re growing up and understanding yourself not in grandiose amount but at least, little by little. And realising you’ve outgrown things (like One Direction for me). And so, I get the feeling that it is in fact, that gut feeling that’s been holding me back from posting meaningful posts these days. So I guess I’m still figuring things out? Not that the past posts from May and early June was dishonest and equivocated; they are really honest and legit thoughts. I’m just not satisfied with my work ethic and the feelings I try to convey in a text.
If you’ve read whatever I’ve written above, first, I would want to thank you personally for going through my post and second, I would love to hear from those of you who’ve read at least one blog post here in Sujana’s Jargons And Stories.